What did you want to be when you were a kid?
And as it turns out you’re still following that dream…
I am now because growing up I had a very hard life. I don’t want to go into it because it’s too depressing. I was always put down and told I was ugly. Nobody ever thought I could do anything. From 14 years old onward I started working and was kicked out of my home and school. I’ve worked ever since. I worked in financial markets for seven years and then moved overseas and got sick of the trading world and started dancing in London. I flew to the US drunk one night! I somehow ended up in porn and stayed with it. You just get used to it…the money, the fame and everything. It’s easy and it’s fun. That gave me the confidence to finally pursue music. I realized I can do anything. I’m doing it now. I’m not that old!
I’m curious about your involvement in the financial markets. Tell me about your position as Assistant Manager of Financial Control.
Sure. What happened, when I was 16 I moved from Brisbane to Sydney, which is the financial capital of Australia. I finally met up with my dad, who I hadn’t seen in forever. He pushed me to get out and work. I wanted to be an actress but I wasn’t quite confident enough and was kinda rebellious. I grew up around very, very rough people. I wanted to say a “gang.” I got a job in financial markets. I worked in the Economics Department as basically a shit-kicker for all the traders and economists. From there on I worked my way up to another bank doing foreign exchange settlements. From there I moved to Commonwealth Bank of Australia. Whatever job I have I do it good because I’m best at learning on the spot. I had no education but I took courses and worked my way up. It was easy to get used to that lifestyle. There was a lot of stress dealing with other people’s money, though. When I worked my way up to Financial Controller that’s when I snapped. I was 18! I was partying a lot and it all caught up with me. That was a really big position for an 18 to 20 year old. For my 21st birthday my dad bought me a ticket to Europe and told me I should stay there and travel the world. I worked in petroleum exchange in London and then I said, “Fuck this! I don’t want to do this anymore! It’s not what I want to do.” I did an independent film in London and tried doing the audition thing. I actually tried to do some modeling while in Australia but I am too short. (laughs) I know, I know! I talk a lot!
Hey, I’m not complaining! I’m here to listen. It’s OK to say too much to me instead of not saying enough! I promise!
OK! I got so mad at doing something I hated just because of the money. I started stripping at the Spearmint Rhino in London and did aÂ couple of photo shoots. One night I got drunk with one of the owners of the club. He was flying back to the States that night and I begged him to take me with him. He brought me over here. He said, “Whatever you do, when I take you to LA DO NOT get into porn!” (laughs) I told him I’d never do that! I got talked into it. How could you refuse?
How long did it take to convince you to get into porn?
I was there four days and I got naked! I thought I’d just stay for a month and travel and then go back to London and get my shit together. Well, I stayed here. I ended up getting married, winning awards, getting bigger and bigger, you know? I can’t leave this business! IÂ love it. It’s freedom and good money and it finally gave me the courage to be able to sing in public. Now I’m trying to pursue music and everyone tells me I won’t be able to do it. Why can’t I? Who gives a fuck?
Believe me, it’s a perfect combination. I think what we’re doing here is proof of that.
Yeah, why should someone care? I did porn. That doesn’t mean I can’t do anything else. It doesn’t mean I don’t have talent in other areas, you know?
Shit, if you can get naked and have sex on film in front of a camera crew you can do anything!
Exactly! I also feature dance and I love performing on stage. I’m up there singing away to all the songs anyway. I do karaoke. I’ve sang one of my songs at a couple of different places. If you’ve got a talent, people shouldn’t judge you for what you’ve done. I’m not going to let that stop me from going where I want to go.
Was money the main factor in your decision to stay in adult? Did you enjoy the freedom, too?
In the beginning it was the money. Then it became people telling me howÂ beautiful I am and the fan mail. It boosted my self-esteem. I still don’t think highly of myself like that. It gave me the confidence to do what I wanna do. Most people envy what we do and it can be a hard job. You’ve got to be a strong person to deal with this. Most girls do this for the money and they have no other goals and ambitions. I’ve got dreams. I’m in America for one reason, to do my music. If it doesn’t work then that’s just one more experience in my life.
Well, just in your real life you’ve been able to experience more than most people dream about.
Yeah. To be able to live in America is one of the hardest things to accomplish. Most people think that if you can make it in America then that is everything. The idea of “celebrity” over here is crazy! In Australia we could care less. LA and the music scene, as much as I hate the way some people act here, I’m staying here because it’s what I want to do. I’m very free spirited. I’m a Pisces. I’m very spiritual and creative and musical. I love to help people.
Do you have so much going on sometimes that you could just blow up because you want to do them all?
Oh yeah. That’s my big problem. I try to do 20 things at once. Nothing ever gets done. I wish I had someone to push me and tell me what I have to do today before I can start some other project. I take on too much!
Have your experiences in adult been different than what you thought they would be?
Actually, I knew nothing about it before I got into it. I’d never even watched a porn. I used to talk trash about strippers! After you travel the world and see things your mind opens up. You realize that everything you’ve been told is right by society is not the way of the world.
It really bothers me that people get sucked into that idea so hardcore that they won’t even think for themselves anymore. It’s like they’ve been brainwashed.
Exactly! I hate that. Whatever makes you happy, do it. Don’t judge somebody for doing something that makes them happy. Why would I do something if I didn’t like it? Don’t judge me for doing it.
How long do you see yourself in adult? Will you give it up for music?
If my music takes off, then yes, I’ll stop doing porn. I may be involved in some aspect of it. Whatever I feel like doing, whatever happens happens. Nothing’s forever so I stay prepared for the future. I save my money. You never know what is going to happen. Even if I’m broke singing in a pub, I’d be happy. That’s what makes me happier than anything. It’s like making my fans happy by doing good sex scenes! I want to do it all for the fans.
You’ve got to tell me what life is like as a Wiccan. How did you get into it?
I’m half Welsh. That’s where the religion originated. In my life I’ve always felt different in some way. I never had a religion growing up. That was never preached to me. I’ve never read the Bible. I’ve read the Koran. I almost became Muslim because I actually dated a lot of Lebanese men in Australia. I got over that and finally moved over here. I started having a lot of problems and I walked into this Wiccan book store one day. I decided that’s what I needed to do to make me happy. It’s in my blood, too. People think it’s all evil and you cast spells and stuff. It’s about believing in yourself and making yourself happy be helping others. It’s about the Universe and Mother Nature. What you do will come back to you x3. I do good things every day. I know that one day it’s going to blow up and I’m going to get what I want. I feel good helping people. I just adopted a kid in Ethiopia and that makes me feel good, you know?
Is there an afterlife in Wicca? There’s not a Heaven or Hell, right?
There’s no heaven or hell. There’s what is called the Summer Land. There are seven realms of life, each different experiences. When you die your spirit goes on to the Summer Land. We believe you get to look over your life and decide if you want to be re-incarnated or stay in the Summer Land. We have gods and godesses for every purpose. The geniuses of the world are spirits on their last realm. They’ve learned so much from previous lifes, that’s why they’re geniuses. The naive people are brand new to the world. It’s like their first realm, their first life ever. I’ve been lucky and had better jobs than most people I grew up with. I guess I have an old soul. I make my own decisions and every mistake I make I put it down and learn from it.
How far along are you with your music career?
I’m doing things my way. I’ve talked to so many people at record labels and they’re all starting to sound the same. They’re too afraid to sign anybody new. They can lose their job if they sign a band that flops. There are so many bands that I love but it’s hard to tell who’s who now. Back in the day you could tell, ya know? You knew Axl from James Hetfield. Metallica is my all-time favorite. You could tell back then who was who. Now you can’t tell who is singing what.
Not only that, but back then you knew all the band members’ names, too.
I don’t know these new people’s names. I can’t even tell the difference from one band’s song to the next. I forget which bands I hear because they all sound the same. They all blend in. People are looking for new stuff and I know I can bring that. Forget about porn and all that shit. I’ve got my own style, my own lyrics, and I’m producing it my own way. I think you can love it without being told to love it. I don’t want to be a fake rock star, ya know?!
Do you play any instruments?
I’m finally learning the guitar, playing some Metallica stuff. My dad was a musician and a recording engineer in London. He recorded the Rolling Stones. My mom was a groupie! My dad tried for years to teach me guitar. I just bought a bunch of techno equipment, too. That’s easy to do and it’s huge in Europe and Australia. I just get so bored if I’m not making music!