Just so you know, I knew about you before the whole ABC Primetime special…I think the first time I saw you, you had blonde hair in a scene with Vince Vouyer.
Oh, yeah! (laughing) That was back in the day when I was 18!
I think it was at a karate class or something…
Oh my god, it’s Vivid Action Sports Sex. That was the first time I had sex with him. That was my second scene ever. I love that scene! It was great.
Of course, one of the big things people are curious about is the ABC special. There are a lot of mixed emotions about that. How did it all come about?
Before airing, it started two years before that. I got a call from Ona Zee, who had met me a couple of times before. ABC had come to her and said they were looking to find a girl in theÂ business who is not very famous, but who has potential to become a very famous porn star. They wanted someone who had something to talk about. So, they called me up for an interview and then decided they wanted to follow me around. They didn’t tell me how long, they just wanted to follow me around. That’s how it happened and when I watched it I was pretty shocked. It was not the way I thought it would be. There was two years of content that they did not show. The interview was all chopped up. No one got to hear the real side of the story.
Did you ever think during the filming of those two years that you didn’t want to go through with it?
I was just interested in letting people out there know my story. It was MY story, not anyone else’s. The only time I thought, “Oh my God, I shouldn’t do this,” was after the Diane Sawyer interview. She had been asking questions that I was not ready for. At that time I was in a bad state of mind. It had nothing to do with being in the porn industry, it had to do with my personal life. When she was asking those questions, I reacted to them by the way I was feeling at that time. After I left New York I thought that maybe I shouldn’t let them air that because I didn’t want people in the industry to think that that’s the way I felt all the time I was in the industry. It was experiences in my personal life that made me feel that way at that time.
Did you contact ABC to let them know you weren’t comfortable with the way it turned out?
Well, I don’t have any contact numbers anymore, unfortunately. My whole family – my dad’s side of the family contacted them. My grandmother, my uncles, my cousins, everyone saw it. They’ve contacted ABC and let them know how they felt about it. My family was supportive of me. They told ABC that it was really sad they didn’t show the whole story. Every time I talked about the industry I totally made sure that the way I felt had nothing to do with the porno industry, it’s the way I felt in life at that time. They didn’t show everything I said. I know it was only a one hour special, but they chopped it up and it was no good.
To narrow two years down into an hour is leaving out a lot of information!
Not only that, but of all the footage they had NEVER showed how much I enjoyed it! If you watch one of my scenes, you can tell – I like it! Yeah, I cried on ABC, but I was in a very bad state of mind at that time. I was going through a lot of things in my personal life and it was really sad, you know? Even on that interview I was saying, “I don’t want you guys to make me look like I’m a victim because I’m not! This is my choice, something I chose to do. They said I have bad days, yeah – you can have bad days. The only experience I had in the industry that I had any regret was that gang bang. That had nothing to do with the industry, it was just something that I shouldn’t have done. Other than that, one experience in three years? C’mon! I’m an adult, I make my own decisions.
With any career, there will be a bad decision made somewhere along the way.
Oh, god yes. Especially when you don’t have anyone backing you up and helping you.
What was it like the day after it aired?
I was very nervous because I was working for Jenna Jameson. I was scared. No one knew the truth but me. When I got to work that day I was very shocked because everyone was very supportive. I was surprised. I was really happy after that.
Did anybody give you any grief over it?
I stayed away. I haven’t been working that much. I’m working on my own production so I didn’t get to hear all the negative things because I’ve been out for a while. A lot of people told me that others are talking shit and I thought, “That’s fine. That’s life.” People will talk no matter what and I know what I did and I know who I am and I know I’m a good person. I know I treat everyone with the upmost respect. I live my life the way I like to and I love people. I don’t care what people say because it’s going to be the next person tomorrow! (laughing)
Some may just be jealous that they didn’t have the spotlight on them…
Right! And the whole time I was filming that I never once thought about it being ABC Primetime. I never thought about it being that big. To me, it was me getting to express my feelings and I was glad people wanted to hear what I had to say. It was never about me being famous – I don’t even think that I’m famous. I’m just me. People come up to me and ask for my autograph and it’s shocking. (laughing) It’s like, “Why?” It’s nice. It’s a compliment to me. I like to reach out to people more than anything. I like for people to know that I’m a person like anybody else. I’ve made mistakes in my life and I’ve done a lot of great things in my life. I get to reach out to people through what I do and I like it.
So what are you doing now?
I’m shooting a series for the company I’m under contract with now. I just signed a five year contract with them. It’s a company called Sineplex and I shoot a series for them called Bella’s Perversions. I’ve shot two moviesÂ so far and I’m working on a third one as we speak. The first two were all girl/girl, lesbian – I’ve been in all the scenes and directed all the scenes. It’s basically me expressing myself through my videos. This next one I’m doing right now is gonna mix it up – it has a boy/girl, girl/girl, masturbation, and blowjobs all in one.
So that’s a five year contract, huh?
Yeah, they’re wonderful people. They’ve done my website and it’s the most beautiful website. I’m getting ready to do a live webcamÂ from my house and go on tour feature dancing. They’re a great company. I get to do what I want. For my series I require a new STD test from everyone, including myself. I get a new test three days before every shoot. That’s something I’d like to start seeing in the business. That way a person can walk away and feel clean and good.
It wasn’t always like that.
Oh my god, no! Especially when people in this business are working day to day they don’t think about everyone else having to walk away being fucked up. I’ve spent more money at the hospital than anything else in my career. It’s not fair, it’s not fun, and it’s definitely not worth it if you don’t get tested.
It’s good to live life, but it’s not cool to have it cut short.
Exactly. And with women especially, some of those diseases can cause you to become sterile and I want to have kids someday. I want to have a family. That’s scary to think that becoming sterile could happen. I’m trying to change things.
How would you sum up what you do in the adult business? You know what – let me ask this, too. I’ve interviewed a lot of people in the adult business – do you prefer to be called a porn star or an adult star? I talked with Brittany Andrews once and she threatened to kick my ass whenever I referred to the “porn business” or a “porn star”…She corrected me every time and said “adult business” or “adult entertainer”. Does it matter to you?
It doesn’t matter to me. Sometimes I say I’m an adult star and sometimes I say I’m a porn star. It depends on who I’m talking to, really. Whatever one wants to call it is their choice. I do what I do, you pick what you want to call it! (laughing)
But, summing it up from the beginning to the end (laughs) – I’ve definitley grown up on camera. I’ve got to experience a lot of things, a lot of sexual things and learn a lot about my body. I enjoy it. I think now that I’m a director and producer of my own product, it’s such a great opportunity to have that and accept myself. I want to do the things that I want to do now. I make the decisions instead of someone else telling me what to do. I also want the girls who work for me to do the things they really want to do, not just because they think they have to do it for the money. That’s my big thing when I hire a girl – “What do you really want to do? I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do just because you need a job. I want you to enjoy and and walk away and have fun saying ‘I want to do that again’.” I’ve been in the position where I loved my job, but at the end of the day I left feeling like I didn’t get what I was worth. I’m not speaking for everybody in the business, but that’s the way it is for the majority of women.
Here’s a fan favorite question: What qualities do you look for in a man?
To tell you the honest to god’s truth, I don’t think that I can pick out one thing about ANY person. With every person I meet, I give them the same level as anyone else in this world. I love everybody. You’re probably thinking, “What?” – but I love everyone if they’re in this industry or not. I fall in love with them automatically. I have a love for people. After they prove me wrong, they have nothing that I look for. I could name some things, but it really takes years to find out who someone is. Especially with women – and I’m talking about myself here, too – there are times where I’ve been the wrong person when I’ve met someone and after a year or two I become myself. There are times where I wanted to be who that person was instead of being myself. I really have a love for people. I love touching people, really hearing what they have to say. I’m a people pleaser, that’s for sure! (laughs hard!) Maybe that’s why I’m good at what I do! I get turned on by turning other people on. That’s what turns me on – seeing that other person going crazy! It can get me in trouble sometimes, but it’s worth it! You get to make people feel happy and it’s fun.
So, are you still roomates with Calli Cox?
Oh definitely, yes I am! She’s been very busy lately and we haven’t seen a lot of each other. She’s been travelling and doing her thing. We’ve been living together for the past 2 1/2 years.
With you two together, you’re the news “Terror Twins!”
(laughs) That’s for sure!
She hit the news first with the whole Shane’s World thing and then you took over since your ABC interview.
Yeah, we never knew it would be like this! It’s crazy but I like it!
Let’s talk about music a little. What was your first concert?
Oh my god…White Zombie! I think Korn was with them. I don’t remember when it was. Gosh, how old was I? I was young – maybe 16 or 17!
How old are you now?
What was the last CD you bought?
Let me think…it was 50 Cent.
Yeah, you and everybody else! That sucker has sold like crazy.
You know what else, Erykah Badu and Common.
If you just wanted to get in you car and drive, what music would you pick?
Otis Redding, Billie Holiday, Norah Jones, Enigma…I like music that will calm me down and relax me and bring me to reality. I love romantic lyrics. I like the idea of love.
I’ve not figured that out yet! (laughs) So, how has your impression of the adult biz changed since you started?
I’ve learned a lot. I know what I’m worth. When I first got in the business I wasn’t as confident in myself. I didn’t believe in myself enough and now I do. Now I know that I am good at what I do. It just depends on how much you grow up in this business. You can always be in the same position if you want to be, but once you’ve learned what you’re worth it changes. It’s really good if you want it to be, if you’re smart about it.
What do you see in your future?
I see myself being alive and I see myself being a good singer as a hobby in my life. I have a lot of goals. I want to open a salon someday. I would love to own a salon.
How much longer do you think you’ll be in the adult business?
Five years. As a perfomer, one year.
Wow, you must like it behind the camera.
I do, but the reason I want to stop performing is I just want to give myself a rest. I want to have a good relationship. I want to be able to have a family one day. Personally, I think if I keep performing I won’t be able to find those things. I’ve always wanted a great love in my life who I can share a home with and a steady, comfortable life. Nothing fancy.
So you must be close to that if you only see yourself perfoming for one more year.
I have no one in my life right now, actually. I’m working on myself as a person and I think you need to love yourself before you can really love someone else. I want to be able to give them everything they’ deserve, but first I have to give me everything I deserve.
You sound extremely level headed.
I think I am. I’ve been around the world since I was a little girl. I’ve travelled to a lot of different places and seen life in a lot of different worlds. I think that’s the best history class you can take. I have eight kids in my family so I’ve been helping my mom raise children since I was little.
So you want kids, too…
I want one. I want to adopt one. I want a little girl named Mississippi. I already know what I want to name her!
You could teach her the “crooked letter, crooked letter, I” spelling, too!
(laughs) Yeah! I think it’s an excellent name for a little girl.
Thanks for taking the time to do this, I appreciate it. Do you have a message for your fans and the readers?
I want them all to know that…
You love ‘em, right!
(laughs) I love them and I LOVE my work. There is a time for everyone when they have to stop, but I will always remember all the times I had fun. For the next five years I’ll be giving them the best I’ve got.